That's intense
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
