I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
