Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
