Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
