whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like a drive thru vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
