i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
