Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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