Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
