Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
