I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
