wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
