He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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