Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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