her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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