If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
