I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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