U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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