omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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