She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
