it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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