he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
