Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
