this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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