I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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