how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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