Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
