Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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