My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
