There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
