I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
