he wants to bone in the snuggie
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
