New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
