I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i barfeds in our rink
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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