I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
