i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
