i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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