I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize