C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
