I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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