why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
