paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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