textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
