today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
