You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
