just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
