Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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