I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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