I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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