remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
