She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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