apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
