I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I die, sorry about rent.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
