Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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