I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
