I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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