I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
