did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
