i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
