i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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