I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
