Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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