Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
