my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
