normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
