then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
