Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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