I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
