doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
