East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize